11:11

Of course I wished for you. 

But now months after you vanished from my life, I had the moment.

It's like when you are a kid and your mom puts a band-aid on the tiniest of scratches.  She puts it on to make you believe it will help, it will make you feel better.  And any time it starts to hurt, you think of the band-aid that is there to cover up the pain.

This continues for sometime, until one day you notice the band-aid is gone.  You don't know when you lost it, but you realize you have been getting along fine without it for quite some time.

And this is surprising.

And then you wonder if you ever needed it at all.

And now that you don't, you wonder why you wanted it so bad in the first place.

The dude friend

I just got back hanging out/smoking with the dude friend.  He is a super fun guy and I always have a good time with him but tonight I felt like he was coming on to me.  Maybe not.  Maybe I'm just paranoid from the crazy weed....

But I DO know that he sat down closer and closer to me, touched my hand or leg a few more times than was necessary and I started to get that nauseous, uncomfortable feeling I get around dudes who might be into me that I am not attracted to at all.  

I don't know, but I had to get out of there.  Now I feel bad because I basically invited myself over, he shared food, beverage, etc only to have me show up with nothing and leave two hours later.  

But he was creeping up too close for comfort.

I hope it's the weed.

This is good weed.

New Blog, Day 1....

While I was on the train the other day, it stopped.  Now this is not an uncommon occurrence, but on this particular day I was in a car with a group of obnoxious teenagers, and as we were waiting and the conductor made the 'this train will be delayed' announcement, I overheard one of the said annoyances say 

"FOREVER!"

And then I got to thinking....

What if the train DID stop here forever, and this my personal subway purgatory and I am left to spend the rest of eternity listening to overstimulated 15 year olds talk about inappropriate subjects in voices at a volume that you would think they were in a wind tunnel?!

So naturally, I fell into deep thought...

What if that was the last time I ever talked to him, I didn't get to say what I wanted to, he'll never know how I really feel!

What if that guy who bought me a drink last night was the one who was supposed to father my children?!  And I gave him the wrong number because I didn't like his T shirt?...I mean, what's so bad about a pseudo-vintage "Virginia is for Lovers" shirt from Old Navy, anyway?  It could be endearing...right?

What if this is it, and the only time I have been out of the country was to Toronto, and even then I stayed in the hotel room the whole time because it was 'too cold'?!  What if for the rest of time, my passport only has a lonely Canada stamp on it.  CANADA!!!

What if my last meal was an Auntie Anne's pretzel with a diet coke??  

And then the train started moving again.

I decided, then and there...from now on, I'll gonna live.

I'm gonna order a regular coke.