If I Could...

If I could...

I would take all of your sadness and put it up high on a shelf, where you can't reach it.

Like you used to do with me.

And if I had to, I would climb higher and higher.

To take it far away.

Far, far away.

The floodgates have opened and I am desperately trying to fill all of the cracks before it's too much that it bursts and washes over me.

Who are you?

What can I do?

Give it to me, I will take it and hide it away.

To keep you safe.

To keep you happy.

What will I do?

I could drown in there.

It's like an abyss I have never seen and I am terrified to step into it, but I will be here.

I will hold the walls up as long as you need me to.

I can be your rock.

just talk to me

Who are you?

Play for me

Fix my dress

Make cinnamon toast

Braid my hair

Don't cry.

Why are you crying?

We are changing places.

Let me hold you.

Please be happy.

Tell me what I need to do.

I will fight and do what you need.

The floodgates have opened, and if I don't stop them, what will I do if they wash over me.

I won't let you drown.

to BE

TK moved into her new condo today. She is woman--hear her roar! An inspiration, and without a doubt, a role model. Countless times I have taken note of her accomplishments, and I hope that someday I can have half of what she does.

Her new place brought on memories of visiting my cousin when she was a newly-single mom. I can distinctly remember wanting the things she had--her own place, with her own things, keeping house, great kids...and I also remember not wishing for a husband. I wanted it just like her. What is that about?

Not a whole lot has changed since. I want a house filled with nice things that make it feel like a home. I want it to be all mine. I want to have dinner parties and a fireplace. I want kids.

I suppose you could throw a man in there too.

But I also want to have an always changing schedule. To take classes in the middle of the day or in the evening, depending on what I have going on that week. Never in the morning, of course...not with my busy social life.

I want to teach. I want to create. I want to eat and drink 'til I puke. I want to be upset that I only made it to the gym 5 times this week, instead of 6. I want to see shows. I want to know the PERFECT place to go in this neighborhood. I want to NOT know what is going on in Facebook land. I want to miss phone calls, to need to catch up on email, to finish that book, to write that book! To pay off debt. (HA!) To have amazing sex, to always look cute...

To BE!