A Hornet Stuck in a WASPs Nest

Recently, I have been conducting a study on wasps.  Well, not wasps--WASPs, which Wikipedia describes as 'people with histories of upper class Northeastern establishment, who were alleged to form a powerful elite.'  WASP is an acronym for White Anglo Saxon Protestant.  

However, I feel as if this reference is a bit outdated.  I have been fortunate enough to study this species in their natural habitat.  Here are some of my findings:    

Two of the most common characteristics appearing in my study are,

1. Miserable disposition.*

2. Drink in hand.

*One must be very observant in speech, behavior, number of drinks consumed.  I consistently found that some are able to mask this and appear to be lovely, then proceed to drink half of a handle wherein miserableness and/or self loathing set in.

Another attribute is a name ending in a long 'e' sound.  If original name does not end in this sound, one is most commonly given a nickname that falls into this category, ie: Buffy, Bunny, Daphne*

1. One exception is having a name with two-three syllables that could also be confused for a town; Princeton, Barrington

*Not all long 'e' names apply to this.  For example, no self respecting WASP would ever name their child Shirley.

There are also consistencies in appearance.  For men, you can usually find:

1. Side part.

2. Well groomed moustache.

(rare cases where these are combined, but usually see one or the other)

3. Suit/tie/collared shirt--at least one of these pieces, sometimes all depending on the occasion, location.

For women:

1. Pearls (ears or neck)

2. Fur (only applicable for winter)

3. The older a woman gets, the bolder the pattern on her blouse.

Family patterns usually include:

1. One brooding child.

2. One overachiever.

3. If more than two kids, there have been known cases of the 3rd being the 'outcast' of the family, not fitting into the WASP mold.  

4. Mother who is  overbearing, caddy and/or judgmental. 

5. Father who nods and agrees, then takes another sip.

I stumbled upon a curious observance in my studies.  While in what I thought to be a regular gathering place of my subjects, there was something a bit off that I just couldn't put my finger on.  I later learned that this particular group all hailed from New Jersey, Long Island.  And then it hit me--dirt daubers.  Their appearance is similar to wasps, but on closer observation do not share all of the traits.

This is as far as I have got in my research thus far.  I hope to continue to have the opportunity to study these fascinating creatures...

because then I get free booze.